What a lagger I’ve been.  If you’ve been following these bizarre holidays of April, please allow me here to catch up.

April 21st, Kindergarten Day, which is why I just didn’t want to post this on that day.  OMG!  What a baby.

And you’d think I’d come to my senses to celebrate Earth Day on the 22nd, but it was also Girl Scout Leader Appreciation Day, and Take Our Children to Work Day.  Wow.

I got kicked out of Brownies when I was in Kindergarten; I’m still smarting over that one.  Like I would honor a Girl Scout Leader who tries to get me to buy yucky cookies at $4 a box…  I don’t think so.   So of course I deprived my daughter of that Scouting experience.  She’d only be in it for the cookies.  I know her!

As for the bring her to work day…  Been there.  Done that.  The only person who learned anything was me.  That no work gets done when you bring your kid with you.

So that left Earth Day.  I picked up trash in the park and hugged a tree.

Next.

April 23rd.  Home Run Day, International Sing Out Day, and William Shakespeare’s birthday.  How tough is that?  Write-eth a sonnet about opening day, and sing out:

Hank Aaron hit-eth a homer this day.

Let’s celebrate in an eloquent way.

“Oh Henry,” we shout.

As we dance all about.

And throw beer in the air, Oy Vey!

Whoops.  That was more limericky than Shakespearean.  Oh. Will.

So because I’m so uncouth, let us just slink out of the 23rd and head to the big celebration on the 24th:  Pigs-in-a-Blanket day!

Man vs. Food where are you?  He ate them all gone including the tray.  Time to move on to the very next day.  Which is Today!

Sunday, April 25th:

Better get out of bloat land and head over to New Zealand and Australia to celebrate Anzac Day!  Yay!  I have no clue what they do on that day.  Do you? Better call someone to find out and kill two birds with one stone to do National Telephone Day.  Now that there are so many cell phones, I don’t know that many people that still have phones.  We have them, but nobody calls me on the home phone but solicitors.  Yay for caller ID!  Maybe we should change the holiday name?  I celebrate that more than the phone…

So now that I have all that out of the box, I’m ready to start the week afresh on Monday!  Enjoy your day of Rest.  As for me, I’m off to Fun My Way out of the Box!

No tags

Retro your way out of the Box Workshop tomorrow!

Going over the same path we went before.  Same bat time.  Same bat channel!

No tags

So since yesterday, I have been thinking and thinking and thinking.  And I have still not decided what my Gold Standard is.

I am not sure I measure anything up to anything else, because I am so fickle sometimes that I just can’t decide which I like better.  It’s as if I am at the eye doctor: “1 or 2? 3 or 2? 4 or 6?”  OMG!  Too many choices.  I just can’t ever decide.

There are things that I like that are gold:  French Fries and sunshine.  So does that mean that I am worth my weight in French Fries and or sunshine?  First of all, if my weight fell upon French fries they would get all squishy and be pretty worthless.  And sunshine is weightless.  So.  Some gold standard I’ve chosen.

Apparently, I will have to give this a little more thought.  Time for me to head to my thinking box.

No tags

Today is one of the holidays I’ve been waiting for.  Today’s holidays actually coincide with what is happening in my world.  Because.  Today.  Is.  Cuck0o Day, and National Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day.

Not that I’m all that fond of or ate any Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day, but it fits.  Because.  I.  Feel.  Like.  I.  Am.  Upside.  Down.  & definitely feeling the Cuckoo coming out of the clock at me.

So.  I need a little help trying to decipher these unusual coincidences I’ve had today.   Please help shed some of your brilliant light on these matters because I am completely baffled and stunned.

People I didn’t know called me.  Conspiracy theories were thrown at me regarding flag fringe and my soul being sold to the Brits when the gold standard went under.  I received mail for the wrong person at the right address.  My daughter asked if she could smoke Pez.  My dog ate a Pez and spit it out.  I saw an undamaged car facing backwards on the sidewalk against oncoming traffic with nobody at the wheel surrounded by two cop cars (stunt invisible driver I guess).

And I went to the pharmacy to pick up an Rx and found out that my new name is Steven and I have low sperm count.  So that’s why I can’t get myself pregnant!  Sheesh!  When I told the pharmacist I was a woman, she looked at me & oooops!  Wrong script!  K.  Well I am so relieved.  Because an all-of-a- sudden-sex change-out-of-the-blue is a little disconcerting.

Mercury is in retrograde.  Communication is whacked, and upside down.  Cuckoo and pineapple-y.  Stay in your box and watch movies.  Or better yet.  This stuff makes great story material.  Laugh your way out of the box!

No tags

So, I have been all over the place celebrating my birthday weekend, that blog has gone unblogged.

Let’s compare my holiday with the Official holidays:

April 16  Officially:  National Eggs Benedict Day.  What I did?  Met my mom for lunch.  We messed up, and did not eat eggs.  But after that, to make up for the faux pas, we went shopping.  And someone with us (to remain anonymous) passed a 10-second blast of sulphuric egg-scent from their posterior exit hole.

Later, we went to a local brewery, made homemade red ale that boiled over and trashed the floor and our shoes.  Oh yeah.  We ate pizza.  But everyone was too full to have cake.  Or Eggs Benedict.

April 17th:  Daffy Duck’s and Sherlock Hemlock’s birthdays.

Had Eggs-non-Benedict for breakfast.  Caught my hem in the door lock and got stuck in the door jamb for about a minute.  Then we went to Laguna Beach and did a museum.  Which made Pete want to drink hemlock.  Then we hiked and made cartoon-like sand and kelp sculptures in Daffy’s honor.

April 18th:  First Laundromat opens, I did laundry and ironed.  Then we went to a comedy club to see one of my friends perform.  The last comedian up must have been grasping at material, so he decided to heckle our table.  He made my day when he called me an elf.

Officially, another of the holiday’s of the 18th is Pet Owner’s Day.  My dog walked me and inhaled part of my breakfast.  Then she gave me a bath in her drool.  And ate the brush.

Today, April 19th:  Humorous Day.  Me.  I’m tired.  Too much celebrating and holiday-ing to attempt humorous.

Climbing into my box for a fun nap.

No tags

The Space Shuttle Columbia first launched on April 12th.  I think they launched and lunched.  Then Tommy Jefferson was born on the 13th.  I had a pre-birthday lunch to celebrate and launch my birthday week.

But woe upon us all….  On the 14th, the Titanic Struck the Iceberg.  Why would we want to celebrate that?  I thought this was about holidays, not hell-idays.  Thankfully the crash was just before midnight, so they were able to celebrate the date with a nice lunch before they launched into the iceberg.

But.  On the 15th.  Oy!  Tax Day.  Who could eat lunch that day?  Well, I did.  Because today celebrates the day the first McDonalds opened in 1955.  And I love French Fries.  Shoulda celebrated Leonardo De Vinci’s b-day with pizza, but I love French Fries.

With all this love of fries, I forgot to keep with the week’s theme and mislaid my launch.  It’s 9:55 PM… do I still have time?  *Throws tacks at picture of IRS agency.*

There.  I did my tacks-ses.

Wanna do lunch?  Happy Meals,  Fun Your Way Out of the Lunch Box!

April 14th

• Titanic Struck The Iceberg
  Shortly before midnight on April 14, the ship collided with an iceberg causing the ship to sink at 2:20 AM on April 15.

April 15th

• First McDonalds Opens
  By Ray Kroc in Des Plaines, IL, 1955.
• Income Tax Day

Leonardo Da Vinci Birthday

No tags

So here are the holidays of the last two days.

April 9th celebrated the day the first public library opened.   And to keep public libraries open, on the 10th we celebrated:  “Encourage a Young Writer Day” and “National Sibling Day”.

Just wondering… does the young writer have a pesty younger sibling bugging them?  Does the older, young writer urgently need to hide in the library to get a little peace and quiet?

Or is the young writer the pesty, young sibling that is writing up plots to annoy the older sibling, but they can’t do it at home, because the older sibling has first rights to the computer?

As for the older-sibling-young-writer–if younger siblings of other families just so happen to be at the library while said young writer is writing in supposed silence, is the library then silent?

Can you hear the tree fall?  And whether you can hear the tree fall or not, do they send the tree to the papermill to make notepads so a young writer may have something to write on?  Or do they look for a tree that they can hear falling to send to the papermill?

And back to the library.  With all those siblings milling about in and out of  what wasn’t meant to be a papermill, is it a den of chaos due to all the younger siblings plotting devious actions against the older kidlings?

And if suddenly someone decides to use pepper spray, is the place transformed into a peppermill?  Or is it merely a milling about kind of place with various siblings of the write?

And we didn’t even go into the middle siblings.  And half-siblings.  Or step-siblings.  And what about sublings, saplings, and bling-bling?  Where do those figure in here?

Probably nowhere.  Too much bling.  My brain is stinging.  So let’s just leave childhood trauma behind us.  Let’s get to today.

Today we celebrate “Jackie Robinson Day” and the “Day the US Navy Acquired its 1st Submarine”.

Yo!  Holiday makers….  Where is the commonality in that?

Let’s see…..I guess I have to invent that myself.

Jackie Robinson = Baseball.  And people go to Baseball games wearing navy team caps (No! not a NY Yankers hat.  Please don that cap of the Mets), and sometimes they go to these games and eat submarine sandwiches.

Wow.  That was a stretch.  But nothing snapped.

Which just proves that not one box in the world is an island unto itself.  If you think hard and creatively enough, everything in life is interconnected.  And your box is just a stepping stone into a seemingly unrelated box.

Get your Box lunch here.  Sandwich anyone?

No tags

Did you know that today, April 8th, celebrates Ponce de Leon Day?   I didn’t either.  But we all do now.

So that’s all I have to say about that.

Maybe let’s talk about the other monthly holidays of April.  Like April is the National month of the Frog.

That is so cool that frogs get a whole month to hop around and celebrate.  Drink a little Bordeaux.  Party down with the tadpoles, before some French chef sneaks over in May and lops off their legs.

Mom!  Look at these little Chicken legs!

Mais, non, mon petite. Those legs are legs of les frog.  Or les grenouille en Francaise.

Oh, mom!  You know I won’t eat Grahn wee.  Can we just go to McDonalds and get chicken nuggets?

Ach!  Not that Irish restaurant again!  I cannot survive on potatoes.  Well, maybe just one french fry, um freedom fry, pommes frites, or en espanol, papas fritas.

No, mom.  I will not share my fries!  You always eat them all.  Get your own.

You are so lucky that this is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, or I’d bop you one you greedy, non-sharing little whelp!

OMG!  All this talk of fries… I have to go grab a few from my whelp!

Fun your way out of the Happy Meal Box!

No tags

I don’t know about you, but I can really sink my teeth into this guy they say we get to celebrate today.

No Housework Day.

Cuz housework is not my fave thing to do.  Any excuse I can use to escape it, like hiding in a pile of paperwork, is what I like to do best.  Whee!  Pushing papers.  Does it get any funner than this?

So this is going to blow your mind even more.  Because.  Going hand-in-hand with No Housework Day is World Health Day.

Everyone knows if you don’t do your housework and leave little snotty tissue rags all over the place and don’t wipe up the germs, you have a good chance of getting sick. At least that is what the Anti-Bacterial Soap Sellers wish us to believe.

So what if you are busy trying really hard not to get out a Clorox wipe right now, because you have a really bad fear of germs like Bill Murray in “What About Bob”?  Despite this phobia, you really want to get out there and celebrate the “No Housework Day” with gusto!

So perhaps you should trust the holiday makers of the world’s use of  good logic.  Why else would they decide to put these two guys together in the same day if they weren’t logical?  Government bureaucracy has to work for someone.  And the only place that would hire government bureaucracy is the government.

Hey.  I’m onto something here!

Probably they were trying to use that pay extra for government services trick that works so well in government.  It’s like this:  You (employee) can now use a  Holiday and Sick Day all in one.  Please see employee handbook rule number 156 Section B2223333.  That is pretty cool, if you can get the double pay, hey?

Fun your way out of the tissue box.

No tags

In 1898 TODAY the North Pole was discovered!

So it has been precisely 112 years since somebody found Santa Claus’s hideout.   I wonder what he said to those explorer guys when they intruded?
“Hey guys! Wanna cuppa hot chawklit?”  Wait.  We are talking North Pole here, not North Jersey.  What kind of accent do you think they have up there?

And since it was so long ago, what kind of stuff did they ask him for when they dumped off their early wish lists?  Mukluks?    A party-line telephone with internet access?  Indoor plumbing?  An end to the Spanish-American War?  That would take up some space in their dog sled.

I guess this whole discovering the North Pole in April would give those explorer guys an eight-month jump on the holiday.  If you were a plan ahead kind of person, that could really work.

But here’s the $24 question:  Where would they put all their presents?

Or would Santa hold onto the stuff till December?

And… WAIT a minute!  They did not invent layaway until the Great Depression. OMG!   Those explorer dudes would have to pay up front.  Boy Santa sure must have had a racket going up there!

Hey!  Maybe the North Pole is Just Like North Jersey after all!

Christmas in April.  Keep it in the box.

No tags